Thank You Chuck Norris

Apparently there is an e-mail circulating about Chuck Norris and the basis, I think, is that he's a bad-ass. So I'm here to copy and paste the only way I know how, the list that I received in an e-mail today. I know I may have sent it out to some of you, but I want to share it with the world! There will most probably be some funny stories coming from this upcoming weekend. So original material will be coming soon. That, I can promise you! Enjoy.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers theprobability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged goodlooks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the faceand took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks hisc loset for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. ChuckNorris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then shout at them, Trix are for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norrisis afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied,"Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
(My personal favorite)If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris!