Where Have You Been?

So it's been weeks since my last post. I think almost three weeks to be exact. I wanted to be able to write something down that's happened in the past couple of weeks and there are a few things that happened that are worth mention.

I hit an alligator. That's right, I drove over an alligator. Does that happen anywhere else but Florida? I'll set the scene. I was at a school in a very well-to-do development, where the tennis and golf teams are the best in the state and have had some very well-known professional golfers and tennis players come through. It's a boarding school with a semi-international flavor to it. Mmmmm...international flavor. Sorry, I'll get back to it. So I'm driving out of there after buying some of their books, and was about to get on the phone with my East Coast of Florida counterpart, when I felt like I hit a speed-bump. This is not out of the ordinary in this development because there are speed bumps so that you don't speed through this beautiful area. But this time it was different because there was no speed bump. So I look in my rear view and passenger side mirror to see this 5 ft. gator crawling back into one of the many lakes/streams/rivers in this area. I pulled my car out of the street, got out and checked my brand new tires because obviously I hit this thing, but it didn't get hurt by my Liberty, so I thought that my car was hurt by the gator. Luckily, and converse to what usually happens to my cars, there was nothing wrong with the car and the only thing I had to show for the story was my memory. I hit a gator!

Holy Bachelor Party Batman! I had a bachelor party to attend right here in Tampa with some crazies from New Jersey. I will spare most, if not all of the details to protect the innocent, but man there were some stories made from that weekend. We met some of the performers of the traveling group of Sesame Street Live! That's right, we were talking to Cookie Monster and Elmo just to name a few, and to be quite honest, they looked a lot different in person than what I remember. And they had a beer in their hands, which made me want to forget my childhood. I don't remember the Count saying "Six! SIX BEERS! HA HA HA HA!" I could be wrong, but that's just me.

Flight Attendents! I've had stories in the past, and run-ins with flight attendents in the past. Many of you know my story(ies) about them. This time I was a spectator. There was a rather attractive, more cute than hot, flight attendent on my trip to Providence, RI a few weeks ago. I was in the last row, all by myself and there was a guy that looked remarkably like me sitting in the row across from me, all by himself too. Obviously, the flight was not that full, and as always I made small-talk with the nice lady. Christy was her name. But then I put the ipod on and read my men's magazine, probably FHM on this particular flight. I moved to the window seat, put my feet across the other two seats, read my magazine and watched this guy "go to work!" At some points in the trip I would turn my earphones down to hear their conversation, because once again, I've been there. Dude was working hard! Found out she was from California and wanted to work an East Coast "run" because she has family and friends in Boston, Philly, etc. And because Southwest Airlines "runs" to both of those cities, she went for the trip. She did her job divying out drinks and peanuts and then sat down next to the dude and started talking. She would turn occasionally to blush at the apparent tries of sweet talking by the big headed dude across the way. But it seemed to be working. Long story short, I thought he had her in the bag. She was obviously not from the area, and I thought he had a shot at bringing her to his place of stay, because he was not from there either. He lived in Florida(which is also obvious because that's where we were flying from), and was (ironically enough) visiting his Sister and Brother-in-law, and newborn nephew! I went up there to visit my brother, sister-in-law and niece! Alanis Morrisette never said it better. I was watching me three years ago on this plane. So we get off the plane, I'm next to this guy walking to the baggage claim, and he's strolling down the terminal at a slow pace (I'VE DONE THIS) to wait until the flight crew deboarded. So he goes down the escalator, and I don't know if any of you have ever been to the Providence airport, but it's small and everyone has to exit the same way. So he's as good as gold in my book, she was digging the guy, and then it happened. She walks right by him, gives a quick smirk, and walks out the door, gets on a Radisson Airport Shuttle van and out of the dudes life. I stared pretty hard on the flight, and I'm almost positive the guy didn't get a phone number or anything. You should have seen the big guy. He dropped the shoulders and walked as if someone killed his dog. Surely he got shot down. Ouch!

Big Weekend this weekend. Staying put again in Florida. Going to watch the State University of New Jersey play University of South Florida tonight in Football action. Probably will be drinking about 154 beers. Should be good times. Saturday, just watching the Tigers play at 7:45pm, and then relaxing and recovering on Sunday. It really sounds like a broken record. That's what I seem to do every weekend! Have a great one. Be safe!

p.s. On a serious note, as someone who works in schools and sometimes does have interactions with students, my prayers are with the family of the girl in Platte Canyon High School in Colorado and closer to home, the officer's family that was shot and killed yesterday in Lakeland. Sucks that shit like that happens every day.

I Support Eagle Hunting...

Ok, so maybe I'm upset by the loss of my beloved Clemson Tigers at the hands of the Boston College Eagles, but it was a fun trip up to Beantown. Got to see Finn, my brother, my sister-in-law and niece among other Clemson friends. Good people all around. Highlights of the weekend included drinking beer after been in a parking garage because we were not allowed to "carry beer to the tailgate area" but it was perfectly fine to drive 87 cases of beer in a car there. Made perfectly good sense if we lived in Cuba or the old Soviet Union, but not in the Irish Catholic capital of the world where beer flows like water. And not only that but we were only allowed to walk onto the field two hours prior to the game and limited to an hour of after-tailgating. Rather odd, especially because posted all over the big screens in the stadium was the fact that for the BYU game, they're given TWO hours. So I took it upon myself to ask EVERY cop why the mormons got two hours but the southerners, and to be honest, every one of the 5-0 had a great sense of humor with the exception of one who after I said, "why do the mormon's get two hours and we only get one" to which this wonderful individual responded, "you have about two minutes to get yourself out before I force you out." I took that as a hint to get my butt in gear, that is, after I went back at him with a "damn sir, all of the other officers had a sense of humor, but I guess there's always one bad apple." Yeah, I was in full "mouthy" Creegs form. Good times. So after the game we all decided to head to a bar by Fenway Park, which, if you've ever been to Boston is on the other end of the city.

So we get on the train after succesfully drinking 18-30 packs of beer and head to the bar. After about two minutes, we meet some Clemson fans who decide that they try to intentionally get a song stuck in people's heads all day. Well, the succeeded with me. "Don't Stop Believing" was a song of choice, and we were having a great time, probably until I said, "So I had my toungue up this chicks ass..." That went over as if I sat on her, taken my pants off and "sharted" on her. She was rather impressed, and by impressed I mean absolutely appalled. Then I heard someone say that there were eight more stops until ours, and I had to pee, and people that have drank with me know that when I have to pee, I have to pee. So I just took it upon myself to get off at the next stop and find a place to pee. Then my brother decided that we should walk the rest of the way, which was a rather sobering walk. SIDE NOTE: I did add two more campuses to my list of schools that I've peed on. BC and Boston University made 27 and 28 respectively. We get to the Fenway park area where all the bars are and when we walk up to the door where half of our group already was, one gentleman walked up to the bouncer and possibly stumbled, looked drunk, I don't know what he did, but we saw nothing, nor were we drunk due to the fact that we hadn't had any beverages in at least an hour and a half. We were honestly ok. This particular bouncer didn't see it that was and refused our entrance to the bar. During a long battle between my brother and the GM of the bar and two bouncers with the rest of our group, I decided that I needed to talk trash considering that I thought the situation couldn't possibly get better, so let's make it worse. At this point, the line, "these are the type of bouncers that go home at the end of the night and jerk off to Road House." (taken from comedian Ron White.) I added other colorful comments and threw some very off-handed and sarcastic remarks at these bouncers. My brother made some headway with the GM and he was even told that he could have overturned the decision to not let us in, EXCEPT "some of your group was making really ignorant comments to us." Thank You, thank you! That was me!

So after we went to the bar directly next door, we decided that the night needed to end and we needed to get back on a train and go home. What we didn't realize was that the Red Sox game had just ended. So we're walking along Landsdown St. and I am still running my mouth as usual, and I see a Boston PD Cruiser on the side of the road, and I say, "Ah, BPD, don't they kill people when it gets really crowded here" at the exact time that a BPD officer turns and starts walking in our direction. Inappropriate Creegs was out in force last evening.

I don't know if it was the heartbreaking loss to BC or just the fact that I had to chug 194 beers in just three total hours of drinking, or it is the fact that I'm normally like that after that many beers, I don't know. I'll let you make that call.

I'm sorry for the big delay between posts. I've had a run of not very funny posts and more about what I was doing, what happened and just sort of boring to me, so I decided to sit back and not really write anything until I had something amusing to tell. I feel that the trip to Beantown was just that story. Good times with the family. My niece is the cutest and my brother and his bride are wonderful, with the exception of that my brother doesn't realize that I don't like to be touched on Sundays(haha), but he will.

Busy week of work, don't know if I'll be back on the message thing for a little bit. I have a bachelor party in Tampa next weekend and I'm not happy about missing the Clemson/FSU game, but I gotta do what I have to do. Have a great week!