Fool me once,...

I know it's been quite some time in between posts. Well, I hadn't really had anything "blog-worthy" to speak of over the past six-eight months. Of course there are some stories of public indecency that I have told to some people. I'm not sure I want to go much further in those stories in this particular forum. It is always fun, however to see how different people, different GROUPS of people react to some antics of mine. What, I think, a lot of people forget is that I have a choice to tell people these stories. I choose to tell them. Not that I think that people will think that I'm glorifying these antics, but sometimes I'm just flat-out in awe of the things that I do. I was, and always will be a performer, whether on stage or in life. All performers like to share what they've done with an audience. Sometimes I like to think of myself as a story-teller as well. I think maybe that is why I tell people my "stories."



Anyway, on to the lesson at hand. I'm the biggest sucker in the world. It's confirmed tonight. I've been "robbed" twice in my life. I put the quotes around the word "robbed" because it was my own fault for falling into the mess that left me a bit lighter in the wallet. The first time I was "robbed" was when I was once driving to Savannah to visit FineCheese and Hunter and ZDiggity and maybe even CHiVe(new name for an oldie but goodie), and I stopped near Jacksonville, Florida to get some gas. It just so happened that I also had a conference call and didn't want to be driving on I-95 in rush hour and be on the phone. I was being safe people! So I pulled up into a BP station near J-ville and it was nice outside, so I had the window open and I was hanging in the car during the call. Put the phone on mute and here comes a dude that kind of looks familiar, but sort of non-descript. He asks me right off the bat how my brother is. Well, my brother had just had some minor surgery or something minor had just happened to him, so I looked at the guy, paused, and thought for a second if Aurillius knew anyone in Jacksonville. I didn't want to offend my "brother's friend" so I answered that he was doing just fine and thanks a lot for asking. So I'm trying to listen to my boss on the conference call, and this guy who is now in my window talking about my brother, whom I think he knows. Well after some silly banter, I finally realize that this gentleman had no idea who my brother was and really just wanted some money. Well, sometimes when I travel, I put my wallet in my center console for all the world to see. This is actually because it kind of hurts my butt when I drive if it's in the wallet the whole time. Probably too much information for some, but it's the truth. It hurts!!! So homeless beggar dude sees my wallet and I pick it up and make the mistake of opening it up and the only bill I have is a $10. Being that I realize that I'm not really in the best of neighborhoods, and having no real bearing on where I was, I thought it'd be a good idea to give the dude my $10 and drive 10 miles up the road to get gas after my conference call. Dude said he needed the cash for a bus fare, but ended up going right into the neighboring liquor store as I sped off in the Cherokee. So there was the first time. The second time happened tonight...

I was home alone working on finishing my paperwork for the day/week, etc, when I heard a knock on the door, but not just any knock. It sounded like a friendly knock. I should've looked through the peep hole but I didn't. Anyway. I open the door and a scene from Office Space starts. A girl at the door with questionable background talking about how she's trying to make money to win $1000. The company that she "works for" has a whole crew of people selling magazine subscriptions and the winner of the most "points" gets $1000 bucks. Really well-spoken, well-mannered girl talking all this good stuff. She was very engaging and actually really nice. After the 12th mosquito bite (yes, northerners, it is still warm enough for mosquitoes down here. Don't hate the player, hate the game), I decided it would be harmless to invite her in. I had her little catalog in my hand and could not for the life of me to figure out this scam. I knew it was staring me right in the face, but could not get a grip on it. Then she pulls out the chance that if I didn't want the subscription myself, there was a list of really needed groups of children that {you} could donate your subscription to. I'm a softie when it comes to that, so I jumped all over it. So she's all excited about the fact that I'm about to give here "900 points" towards her 20,000 goal, and then she hits me with "that'll be $243 dollars." She's got me. I'm stuck. I do manage to say that I can't afford $243 dollars on magazine subscriptions that I'm not even getting for myself nor can write off as a donation apparently. So she takes one of the three magazines off the list and gets the price down to $93. I nearly choked on my first bud light of the evening when I realized that she was going to charge me $150 for an ESPN the Magazine subscription and 107 issues. I get ESPN the Mag, straight from ESPN the Mag and get 26 copies for NINE FUCKING DOLLARS!!! NINE FUCKING DOLLARS!!! But this special individual wanted to charge my $150 dollars. So I "smartened up" a little bit, but was still "robbed" out of $93 bucks! What an idiot!

I hate mean people. I loathe people that don't say thank you when I let you cut me off on I-4, or don't say thank you for me holding the door open for you and sitting there for five minutes waiting for your fat ass to get through it, but there is something to be said for assholes in this world. As I sat on the couch after the "thief" left the house, I was thinking about putting a stop on the check, or sending the voucher back to the corporate headquarters and cancel the subscriptions, but...once again, I don't want to let down the kids in Woodbridge, NJ that are going to get "Family Fun" and "Nickelodeon the Magazine." So once again, I lose.

I guess Leo Durocher was really right when he said, "Nice guys finish last."

Happy New Years to All! Hope everyone is well. God Bless!

I'm Upset At Myself

It's been awhile since I've last posted on the blog. For no real reason other than it's hard to post daily. My life has calmed down greatly over the past few months, with not a ton of travel and not that much debaucherous behavior. But one thing about the past few months that's been killing me is my lack of communication with my best friends in the world. I'm not sure whether or not it's the fact that everyone is growing up and moving forward with their lives, i.e. getting married, having kids, buying homes, etc. Congrats by the way to the MyJohnson and his bride for the birth of their son over a year ago. Heck, it could be two years by now, I don't know. PhillyLove has a baby at his house. Patty Mac is a daddy as well. ZDP is ready to have a son of his own in a few weeks from now. AY is ready to be a father, KV just got married. Life is moving fast. I was told by Citizen the other night that he's accepted the fact that life speeds up as we get older and that he needs to get out of Florida and move to Montana to relax and slow things down for awhile before he figures out where his life is headed and where he needs to be to move his life forward in a promising direction. I agree with that wholeheartedly. I'm not doing anything drastic like that, but I agree with his view.

I'm sure I left people out of the wedding/children mix and I apologize for that, I wrote that pretty quick and it was all the people that came to mind in doing so. Anyway, on to the meaning of this post.

I've been THE WORST at keeping in touch with my closest friends. Cookie and DishSoap came down to Bradenton, Florida a month or two ago and I did get to see them, even traveling down there to do so. I texted Rock a few weeks ago, and got a call back, to which I haven't responded. Emailed Smoke the other day, in hopes of starting ongoing babble via email and then didn't respond to his email. Got a call from Hunter last night and didn't return the call. This is not done with any malice in mind. I did get a text from AY yesterday to which I responded with a question in hopes of an answer and didn't get one. Am I turning into him? haha. I'm kidding, of course, but seriously! What in the world is going on with "the glue" as I've been called in the past. I hope this isn't the time, which so many people have told me, that you go separate ways from your friends. I know I'm in Florida and the majority of my closest friends from high school are in the Northeast whether it be NJ, MD or NH. My only theory is that I haven't been "home" since Christmas, which may be the longest stretch ever that I didn't return to my roots. Haven't even seen Ma's and Pa's since January, and that was really only for dinner in Naples one night. Many times in the past, in this blog-thing, I've mentioned that I have the greatest friends in the world. I truly believe that! I get made fun of regularly that I still have buddies from high school that hang out religiously. I think it's extreme jealousy that some people don't have many friends at all, especially dating all the way back to high school. I'll end there with one more thought. One that I've been thinking about since last evening when all of this hit me like a truck: I will be better at keeping in touch with everyone. For once, I think it is my shortfall that has given me this thought. BUT!!!! The best part about my friends is that I could pick up the phone tonight, call Rock, or AY, or Smoke, or Cookie, or Beef, or Hunter(FineCheese too!) or anyone else in my circle (wives included) and it'd be like we never left each others side.

I miss everyone tremendously! That's probably the reason for these thoughts. It's probably because I haven't seen everyone all together since August. I had three visitors in January and like I said before Cookie and Dish came down to here in March, but I haven't had a good get together since January.

I hope everyone is doing well! I am! Life is good down in these parts. Congratulations on everyones "grown up goings ons" and I hope to see everyone in the near future. I'm planning on getting up to NJ at some point soon. And if all else fails, I will be in Maryland for Return of the Crab in August! Love you guys!

August 17th?!?! Really?!

I said to myself months ago that I would stop writing on this blog. It has nothing to do with anything, to be quite honest. It was just the keeping up with the demanding schedule of trying to be funny, amusing every other day. It was hard. There are only so many "I drank too much last night" posts that I could write, or I almost got another ticket for urinating in public. That gets tired. Not to most of my "fans" but to me. I feel like I was writing the same things over and over and over again. I felt like I was writing the same things over and over and over again. (ha!) Okay, that wasn't funny.

But I've decided to come back, in limited fashion to revive the "blog!" Somewhat.

Gasparilla is this weekend. I got Smoke, AY, and MaleStripper coming down to do some hanging and celebrate the pirates. Not sure what the pirates do, but there's a lot of dressing up and a lot of adult-beverage consumption. To say it's fun is an understatement. I was in bed, sleeping, at 9pm last year. It's an all-day tailgate-like atmosphere. Reminds me a lot of Savannah St. Patty's Day back when I was in college and we would go to the parade with a back-pack full of beer. Were we in college then? I don't remember. But even though the later years in Savannah weren't as early in the day, they were on par with the fun.

Last year was a good time too. ZDP was in the house, but I'm not sure he had as much fun as the rest of us, as he decided it would be a good idea to drive 5 hours back to Savannah early in the morning, like 4am, early in the morning.

I like this years group because they're all newbies, if you will. Citizen has two friends (they're my friends too) coming as well. One from DC and the other from Chicago. And then the 60 or so people that are talking about coming to our annual Gasparilla brunch should be fun too. Guess I'll have to get to the store to load up on toilet paper.

I'll be sure to check back in here and update the goings ons from the weekend. Smoke gets here on Thursday, and then it begins...

Uncontrolable Laughter

Sometimes there are things in this world that just put me into fits of laughter. Things that are just really funny to me. Not sure if that makes any sense whatsoever, but just hang on for a minute. I just went to Yankees.com, being that I am a big Yankee fan, I get extremely bothered when they lose. Now that's a bit rediculous because out of 162 games, they're bound to lose a good share of them. Now being that I've been spoiled the last 11 years of my fan-dom, they've won a lot more than they've lost. That being said, my day this morning started off a bit dull. Having known that the Yanks took one on the chin last night and newest most-hated-ex-Yankee Gary Sheffield ran his mouth about Saint Torre again had me pissed. But then I looked to the little screen on the right that shows some highlights from the last week. There, right in front of me was Shelley Duncan. Now for those that know that I've been pimping a Duncan in the Yankee system for years should know by now that Shelley is not Eric. Shelley is hilarious. Bill Simmons on ESPN.com does an "unintentional comedy scale" but Shelley Duncan is 100 on my "unintentional comedy scale." Not taking anything away from Simmons, being that he is my favorite columnist, but he is a Red Sox fan, so I'm sure he's not really paying attention to Duncan. But Dunc's, as I'm sure he's called, has hit all 6 of his major league home runs in Yankee Stadium. Now that's not the funny part. The funny part, bordering on hysterics, is when he rounds the bases and greets his teammates in the dug out. He goes crazy. Even to the point that the announcer was heard saying, "Look out guys, he's gonna hurt somebody." He's a big, goofy dude, and he's bashing his teammates. It's absolutely hysterical.

Going to the Devil Rays/Indians game tonight. Can'tMiss has a boy that he played at Ferman with that's a reliever for the Tribe, so we got tickets. Being that Can'tMiss is now a local radio personality, he can't do anything too crazy tonight being that his show is at 8am tomorrow on http://www.1010sportsonline.com/. Check it out. For those of you that know him, it's actually very well done.

That's all for now. With the weekend on the horizon and me ready for 100 Bud Lights, there could be some stories coming early next week. I won't promise anything though.

Have a great, safe weekend. CrabFest is right around the corner! Looking forward to it!

Seton Hall Prep=Another Rich Alumni

DETROIT -- First-round draft pick Rick Porcello has agreed to sign with the Tigers.
Porcello, the team's first-round draft pick in June out of Seton Hall Preparatory School, West Orange, NJ, will get a record $7.3 million guaranteed over a four-year major-league contract. The team hasn't announced the deal, but several baseball officials confirmed it Monday.
The contract will be the biggest ever guaranteed to a high school player signed out of the draft, and one of the largest for any drafted player.

The Nation is Abuzz

I love Red Sox fans! Sorry for those that aren't baseball or sport fans. Red Sox fans are notoriously nervous. Always expecting bad things to happen. I just happened upon the Boston Globe where it lets the fans answer a question about the "problems on the Red Sox and how to fix them." Some of these answers are hilarious. Enjoy fellow Yankee fans! This is our rivals, and their fans in a nutshell!


(1)The Red Sox biggest problem is that they suck.
BUMS!!! BUMS!!! BUMS!!!!!
I want Kason Gabbard back!
Manny is a lazy oaf, Timlin stinks, and jd drew isn't worth 14 bucks a year.
Go Pats!

(2)The biggest problem is that the Sox blew it when they didn't get a bat at the deadline, plain and simple!!! I would bring up Clay now, get rid of Pena and Hinske. Then add Ellsbury. And while we are at it, get a manager who plays to win, fire Francona!!!!!!!!!

(3)How bout benching players when they dont drive in the runner from third and less then 2 outs, benching a player (all for one game) if he hits into a DP with the bases loaded, lets make these guy's accountable for thier actions.They are a careless team, with no heart to boot.You see the yankees and they are full of confidence , while the redsox cant get a clutch hit for thier life.

(4)It is terribly hard to see what Francona is thinking. On the post game show, it was sugested that he was trying to give Gagne a chance to redeem himself. PLEASE, is he kidding. We need consistency in the manager--someone needs to talk to HIM.

(5)FranComa ... has his issues but where is the Boy Blunder , Theo who picked up Drew, Lugo and Gagne... big help..... start at the top if you are going to clean house

(6)Gagne should change his name to Gag Me.
I said to my dad "oh, they brought in Gagne, game's over". He scolded me for my pessimism.
Homer.
Game over.

(7)This is the easiest question in the world - STOP USING "GAG"-NE!!!!Suck it up, admit that it was a bad trade and keep him on the pine. For crying out loud, it was working fine with Oki and Paps. If you need a right handed power arm to spell Oki now and then, stick Manny Del Carmen in there!Gagne has nothing and he is single handedly throwing away the division for the Red Sox.

(8)We needed a bat and we got a guy in decline for the bullpen, Look at Friday's game- all the hits for the orioles were left handers. Where was Lopaz to take care of this. Why Franconia goes to gagne makes no sense, Why when you have 2 all stars in the bullpen are we injecting a new gace that HAS NOT WORKED ONCE. Gagne has NOT YET come into a game and not given up runs. Why take out Okajima today to give Gagne another chance to fail. 1st Batter Tie game, I wonder if this guy can pitch in this pressure.
Stick with the formula that has worked.
On another point, we are still up and I don't think there is anyone who didn't think the Yankees were not going to make a run. But we need to stop hitting into douoble plays and getting some key hits.

Quick Thought

I swear I don't have road rage. I promise. I don't get angry with anyone, want to run anyone off the road at all. But I do have some pet peeves. My newest one bothers ME that I get upset by it. It's the person in the left lane in front of me that is deciding for me how fast I can go. Maybe it's just that I am the best driver in the world, but when I'm in the left lane, I want to go 80 in a 70mph zone. When I'm in a 55 I want to do 65. Typically 10 over. It's not really too much to ask, is it? I drive for a living. I drive all over the heart of this great (sweltering) state. Today I was on the other side of the state. Due East as they say in the south. Melbourne, Florida. A great town, spring training home of the Washington Nationals at Space Coast Stadium. Just useless knowledge for you to chew on. But on numerous occasions I was in the left lane and the person in front of me was doing 65 in a 70, or even worse 50 in a 70. I don't yell, but I do sigh and always mumble to myself, "what gives you the right to decide how fast I go?" Silly, isn't it? It is! Very!

Sorry for that useless banter. The weekend was highly uneventful. I watched dogs and played video games. Watched dogs poop, didn't pick it up and drank a lot of Gatorade. That's pretty much me in a nutshell on the weekend front. Now it's back to work. I gave a school a lot of money today. They were extremely appreciative. It's days like this one that make me happy on my career choice! Hope everyone is well. I'll hit you all up later on in the week. For some reason I think I have something to do this weekend, but I'm not really sure what it is. I guess as the weekend approaches, I'll remember what it is, and then tell all about it. Make it a great week!

Pride and the Tour De France

So it's been about a month since my last post, and a lot has gone on with me. Not really going to divulge any information because I was once told that my personal life should stay just that, personal. So I'll go a different route.

I watched the movie "Pride" the other night. It's written by Kevin Michael Smith, class of '82(?) from Seton Hall Prep. The same class, I believe as William Bellamy, better known as Bill Bellamy of some comedy fame. Such classics as "How to Be a Player" and "Buying The Cow" and now the host of "Last Comic Standing." Anyway, I digress. Kevin Michael Smith saw something in the story of a group of kids in the slums of Philadelphia and swimming. It is inspired by true events, but there was definitely some artistic liscence taken by Mr. Smith. (And no, it's not the same Kevin Smith of Clerks fame.) The antagonist of the movie, played by Tom Arnold, character's name is Richard Binkowski, which for all of my classmates and people that know Seton Hall Prep was the AP Sophomore English Teacher along with Film teacher. It was really cool to hear them say, "The Bink" or "Bink." I chuckled every time Arnold referred to himself as the bink. Anyway. I always write that I get chills when I watch movies, so I'm not going to do that this time. There was a feel of "Remember the Titans" in this movie, with the overt racist tone, and the protagonist being of African-American descent. I thought it was brilliantly done, and yes, I did have chills at the end, and actually throughout. Bernie Mac has an awesome part in the movie and you really end up really liking him. Terrance Howard is the main character and he's brilliant as well. I would give it 6 chills on a scale of 7. I thoroughly enjoyed it. But then again, I'm a sucker for the feel-good movies about sport.

Speaking of sport, I have my home page on FoxSports.com, it's a great website, gets me to where I want to be when I wake up in the morning, has my headlines, easy to navigate, etc. So anyway, I've been surfing a little bit today, obviously, by me writing on this thing I've been surfing. But again, I digress. I happened to be looking today and it had the leader of the Tour De France is up by 1:50 with only two stages left. Does anyone in the world care? Seriously? I cared when it was the Tour De Lance, even trying my hardest to get up on that final Sunday and watch him sip champagne and then have foreplay with Sheryl Crow before that superman unloaded his super sperm on her. (sorry for that derogatory remark, it's just how I feel, I mean the man beat cancer twice, once in the brain! He's obviously superman or super lance, DIGRESSING!) The man won seven in a row! And even last year when Floyd Landis, another American made a great jump in the standings to keep the "Yellow Jersey" in America, I was interested. Not saying that it needs to be an American, but by my useless banter, maybe that is what I'm saying. But after they had those lab reports from Floyds piss last year and the debacle that they made last years tour, it kind of turned me off and I'll never return. Is anyone worried about the guy that's about to win? I don't even know his name. Especially after the leader was just kicked off his team for using performance enhancing drugs. I like riding a bike. My fat A may be in the tour next year, just for poops and giggles!

This weekend I'm watching my friends' dogs at their newly purchased/rented house in West Zimbabwe, FL. Alright, there is no West Zimbabwe, but it's out there. About forty minutes from Tampa, and there is zero cell phone coverage whatsoever. I was out there last night and it's really nice. But really far. Bama keeps talking about people going out there and having BBQ's and whatnot. I'm not sure I'm able to drive that far for a BBQ. Who cares, really, that's boring talk.

So that said, I won't be doing much this weekend. I will probably be out in Zimbabwe the entire weekend, therefore, any drunken antics that I usually get myself into probably won't happen, and if they do, I won't be able to call anyone because I have no coverage out there. It's kind of like that whole, "if a tree falls in the woods, will it make a sound?" theory.

Anyway, I hope to be better on this thing (yet again) to make sure that people know that I'm doing extremely well, living it up here in sunny, scorching Florida! See you all soon! Can't wait for CrabFest in MD at the end of August!!!

!!!Funny!!!

In 1986, Mike Hogan was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mike approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mike worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mike stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mike never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Mike was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mike and his son Owen were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mike, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mike couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mike summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mike's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

One Of Those Experiences

So I had something happen to me not too long ago that I am now comfortable writing about. I traveled to Virginia a few weeks back. I went to a party there with a couple of people I actually knew, and more people that I didn't. I was drinking my vodka/iced tea concoction as per usual and was doing a bang up job on the bottle. It was late and I needed more iced tea. One of my friends' friends said that his buddy was headed out to the store and that I could go with him. I didn't think anything of it, got in the car and was on our way. As many years that I spent in Virginia, I had never been on these extreme back roads. Going down the back roads at like 80mph. I was buzzed pretty good, so I didn't really think about it. Almost immediately and non-chalantly, this gentleman driving the car looks over at me and says, "Can you keep a secret?" I say, "Absolutely, what's up?" To which he responds, "I'm 'bout to get some blow." At this point, I don't know this gentleman at all, I'm thinking that I'm about to die in a drug deal gone bad. He then goes on to tell me that he had two buddies killed the week before in the same sort of thing we were about to do. Now I'm not naive, but not only have I never bought drugs before, I've never been in on a drug deal before at all. I can see it happening, I'm about to be in the headlines of the local newspaper. "Two Killed In Drug Deal Gone Bad." But it'll be a local newspaper that no one reads because we are in the middle of Nowhere, VA. We're now traveling at speeds well over 80 on borderline dirt roads. I'm drinking my vodka/iced tea/red bull mix, of course, EATING the cup with nervousness. Now is where things get even more dicey then they were previous. We pull into a deserted laundromat and turn the lights off on the car. Now the dude driving is getting antsy. He's looking in his rearview, his side mirrors, eyes darting every which way. With my numerous years of acting training, I'm trying to act like it's no big deal and that I've done this twelve...hundred times before. Finally, we here a "system bumping" towards the back of the car. The tall, skinny dude comes to the window, the two do a high-five of sorts, and the window closes, the car gets put into drive and we're off again. I'm astounded at the smooth-ness of this transaction. I'm still worried that the car will bump us off the road into a ditch, rob us, slit our throats, the whole nine. Didn't happen. He hands me the "bag." He says, "that looks good, don't it?" To which I respond, "yes sir!" and hand it back to him. He then grabs a dollar bill, folds it into this weird pocket shape and puts a "rock" into it and begins to start slamming it against the steering wheel. Then grabs another dollar and makes it look like a "U" shape. He pours the "blow" into the "U" and starts snorting away, while driving 80+ with beer in the cup holder and me with my vodka yum-yum. He then offers it to me. To which I politely decline because my heart was already beating at 160 beats per minute, it would have surely exploded if I had breathed the stuff...probably the wrong anaolgy there. Anyway, we get back to the party, where I apparently never told anyone I was leaving. The gentleman that was "coked up" told me not to tell anyone where we just went and that we went to all sorts of gas stations but they were closed. I obliged for about ten minutes upon our arrival, when I get up to the kitchen and there's an argument ensuing with my driver and another patron of the party. Apparently, the driver just whipped out his stash at the party and started snorting away, to which people took exception.

Needless to say, back in Cancun, when me and Kid saw the kids from Kings College "partying" as they called it, I will never be comfortable around that shit, nor will I ever do anything that can KILL me if I do too much of it IMMEDIATELY! So in short, this Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by yours truly.

Thought of The Day!

To no one in particular:

"One day you will wake up and realize just how special he is... And when that day comes, he will be waking up next to someone who already knows that" -Anonymous

Yes, I am pompous in thinking this! Especially with the latest events taking place and me being happy where I'm at!

Message From Above

In the past few posts, I've probably taken a few "pot-shots" at some people that may have hurt me in the past few weeks. But something miniscule happened to me this weekend and yesterday that had me thinking that someone (grandma) or something sent me a message in a weird way. I have a great friend here in Tampa that I haven't seen in some time. You're probably thinking that she's obviously not a great friend if I haven't seen her or talked to her in months, if not a year and we even live in the same town albeit a city, but we really are. She's a girl that was a neighbor of mine at Clemson. She's also a cousin of one of my best friends from college who was one of the best actors I've ever worked with. Mr. T (not from A-Team fame) is the other most talented actor I've ever had the pleasure of being on stage with. Anyway, I was spending a relaxing Sunday at the neighborly pool, when I hear my name being called and a female voice yelling it. Obviously, that caught me by surprise. I didn't recognize the voice right off the bat, but as soon as I came back outside from my place, I knew who it was. My friend Miche. See, Miche has found God. She's kind of separated herself from the rest of the local Clemson alum's recently because she's in school, and probably slightly because we'll have a beer or six when we're together and she's not down with that anymore. Not that she's against it, she just has chosen not to do it anymore. A respectable decision, not one that I would abide by, but to each their own.

Miche and I hug, catch up, talk about her cousin and her school, and my job, etc. Just do what close friends do after not seeing each other in so long. She's always been an extremely genuine person, now with God on her side, she's even more so. She had heard that I was with a girl in Chicago and asked about that. (I guess everyone knew, even people I hadn't talked to in some time.) So I tell her the story of what happened last week and explain that I didn't get outwardly emotional. That I had had the outpouring of emotion after my long-term relationship, but not sure if I was just emotion-ed out for this one, or what. So as I'm telling Miche this story, she stops me, and puts it in some spiritual terms. Not corny, but basically just added that I had a calm, or a weight lifted from me. I snickered a little bit, but I went with the spiritual-laced comment. We talked more and said our goodbyes, said we'd be better friends, and went on our ways. I immediately started thinking about it. I think she's right, but not only that, I think that's exactly what happened. Now being non-practicing-devout Catholic from the northeast, and not buying into the "Saved" people and people who "found God." I thought that the meeting up between Miche and myself, was a sign sent from Grandma again. Just bear with me here. I know you guys think I'm crazy, and I am sometimes. I'm a Gemini, it's written right in my stars (as I was told). To try not to be corny, I'm not going to say that Grandma sent a servant of God, one that I am close to, to get her message across, but it's one of those things that I can't explain. Let me believe this. It's where I'm at right now.

Let me also say that I had the best weekend. Friday night was typical. I played softball, came home and drank on the porch with great people. Went to the bar, had just a great time. Woke up early Saturday to pick up Beef and Beefette at the airport, went to Clearwater Beach for some lunch, came back, went to see Roger Waters, which was amazing!!! Came home went out to the bars again. Hung out with some more great people. Dealt with some more drama, but this time it kind of included me, but in the end I'm better for it, and it'll benefit me in the end. Hung out with another amazing girl. Haven't decided on a name for her yet, but she's wonderful, and actually likes me. We spent a lot of Saturday night and all-day Sunday together. Truly a great person, and I can't wait to spend more time with her. And yes, it is the same girl that came up to me and wanted to give me her number from last Saturday. There is no boyfriend. CockBlock just sucks sometimes. Her, along with Citizen actually helped me HUGE on Saturday. If this turns into something special, i.e. a relationship, then I will actually be slightly indebted to CockBlock, but it Citizen that started the ball rolling. He's usually good for throwing me under the bus, but when I need him, he's always there. Good dude! Truly!

People tell me all the time that things happen for a reason. I believe, again, as corny as it sounds, that Grandma has something to do with most, if not all of it! I believe last weekend into this weekend happened for a reason, and I'm going to ride the wave. Hang out with the girl a lot! It's kind of weird that she not only lives in the same town as me, but two complexes down, is an ex-actress in NYC, teaches drama and directs children's theater at a non-profit school here in Tampa. I'm going to enjoy this one! And yes, I am going to try to get her to Savannah for BirthdayPalooza at the end of June. Just keep your fingers crossed that it'll actually last that long.

Have a great week! I'll be writing occasionally, but hoping that most of my "free" time will be spent with her!

The Finger

yeah, that one. I received it today. That's right, me, of all people, received an evil finger from a "NY Rican" as stated on the back of his Ford Windstar. It seems that if people are from New York down here, you're going to know about it by the sticker on their car. And most of them are Puerto Rican, another bumper sticker that goes with the red, white and blue NY emblazened on their cars. Anyway, no ill-will towards Puerto Ricans, I'm just stating fact here.

So I was in Orlando, for work, driving a 22-foot Penske truck. What happens is that every month, for an entire week, I spend driving a truck around Orlando picking up all of the textbooks that schools are disposing of, to which we (my company) takes and donates (for the most part), recycles or (most importantly) try to buy! That's the surface of what I do during these weeks. Anyway, at the end of the day, me and my temp worker were heading back to our recycler. Let me set the stage. The area of Orlando that I was headed is extremely industrial. I know, I know, everyone believes that Orlando is the "Most Magical Place on Earth" and Mickey lives there, but there is a lot of industry and an actual town that goes along with Orlando. And actually, Disney is in Kissimmee, an entire different county than the city of Orlando, but I digress. So I turn onto the industry-filled road that my recycler is on and drive this bohemouth of a truck slowly because other 53' trucks are zooming in all directions, pulling in and out of loading docks, etc. Anyway, I look in my side mirror and I see this Ford Windstar passing me on the left. There is no passing on this street because of said trucks zooming in both directions. Mind you, I was probably doing 35-40, so I wasn't exactly going slow on this side street. Anyway, I had found earlier in the week that my truck had an air-horn, and I loved hitting it for all to hear. So this gentleman and CHILD pass me on the left and so I blow the airhorn to be a smartass I guess, or because I just liked the sound, to which this "NY Rican" IMMEDIATELY sticks his hand out of the window and shoots me the bird. Now I ask why? Why did said person "flip me off" per se? What was this gentleman's intent? Did he have to get to that stop sign before anyone else? There was no one behind him when he was behind me, and I was about to pull into a loading dock in 500 feet or so, can he not wait?

That brings me to another point that I just thought of...and then naturally forgot...hmmm...oh yes(about three minute pause there by the way), Patience. I drive a ton for work, put 42,000 miles on my car since August 2005, so I notice quirks in people. One that bothers me is the guy who knows that a lane is ending but stays in it anyway to get to the front, which in turn causes everyone who was waiting PATIENTLY to slam on their brakes, which leads to TRAFFIC!!! I was probably that guy when I was 18, when I finally passed my drivers road test, I took it three times, failed twice. Want a ride? haha. Anyway, a BMW (isn't it always) did this today, then tried to weave into the lane to the left, couldn't, which in turn caused me to slam the brakes, computer bag goes flying into my windshield, and poop slipped out of my behind. Alright, I lied about the poop, no seriously, I didn't poop my pants, but I wanted to shoot the dude in the BMW a bird, like the "NY Rican" did to me, but knew that was childish and then I would end up being like that guy. So I just clinched my teeth and kept on driving. I also love the people that pull out in front of you after getting onto the highway and hit their brakes the entire ride even though there is NO ONE in front of them. Or going uphill. JUST TAKE YOUR FOOT OFF OF THE GAS YOU PIECE OF SHIT! Sorry, had a meltdown there for a second, but I just reloaded on some Powerade and I'm all set.

Anyway, I'm moving this weekend. I know, I move every year, and no, I'm not moving to Chicago. I decided not to put in for that position. Too cold. I'm moving 1/2 mile away. That's right my friends, I'm moving to the real life Melrose Place. A twelve unit complex where all of the people hang out together, some even date each other. It'll be fun. But the move will suck, but don't they all? I hope everyone has a great weekend. Behave yourselves. Hopefully there will a blog-worthy event happen this weekend. I can say that after moving, I may endulge in an adult beverage or 16.

Soap Box

So it's been weeks, possibly months since I put something of any value to this blog. I've done nothing that's been of my own for quite some time. So I will take this opportunity to tell you, my loyal readers, that I am back. Probably will try to write something at least once a week. At least if I do that, I will make it every other week. That's how I roll.

First and foremost, I would like to say that I was deeply saddened by the Virginia Tech massacre, and I wish the dude didn't cop-out and kill himself. What a piece of shit. Sorry for that derrogatory language, but that's what I feel about that fuck! (That's right, I don't have to pay $1 anymore for saying that word.) I'm going to try to never give that cock the pleasure of saying his name EVER. I truly believe that this should not be a race thing at all. I could care less what nationality the asshole is/was. He killed 32 people that really, did nothing wrong or bad. What a piece of shit. But beyond that, I have been to Virginia Tech three times. I have walked by Ambler-Johnson Hall and thought about former Seton Hall Prep alumnus, University of Tennessee alumnus, and NFL alumnus Greg Amsler for some reason. I know, I know, what does that have to do with anything Creegs? Nothing, but when I first saw that on the news on Monday, the thoughts of that building came rushing back. I ran, probably drunk, around that circle where this dick walked across campus. It's a big circle. That fuck ruined lives and in my honest opinion, made me think back to 9/11. Granted, the loss of life was 33, a mere fraction of those lost on that 2001 day, but it definitely brought me back. It brought me back to thinking about Columbine (with the help of the media), and I remember exactly where I was for both. This is one of those moments. I won't share where I was because it was insignificant really, but my point is that it is one of those "holy shit" moments.

I don't like Virginia Tech. They beat my beloved Clemson Tigers regularly in football. But I've had nothing but good experiences in Blacksburg, even though some of my friends may debate me on this. But I can't imagine if this had happened at Clemson.

Sorry to go off on that. Some may ask, "Hey Creegs, you're fat, why do you eat so much?" No, that's not what people would ask. I think you would ask, "Hey Creegs, what's been going on with you? How've you been? You're the town drunk, you poop in public, you pee wherever you please, what debauchery have you been up to lately?" Well friends, I'm here to tell you that I've been doing all sorts of things, but my level of debauchery has been minimal, and I'm not really proud of that. I went to NJ for Easter weekend, and then up to see MoBetta and his family in Massachusetts on Easter Sunday, and then came back here and traveled to see friends in Chicago this past weekend, only to leave their place on Tuesday morning to come to Oakbrook, IL for my companies National Meeting. But I did have one experience that may surprise some people. I couldn't pee in public. I know, for those of my readers that are also in my fantasy baseball league, I've told this story, but I think it's pertinant to tell again.

It all started on Sunday, when I attended the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field in Chicago, home of Major League Baseball's Cubs. The place was amazing. The game was great, and it was just a great experience. Such a good experience that I went back on Monday. I love baseball, but rarely, unless it's the ACC Tournament in Jacksonville, do I go back-to-back days, even when the Yankees are in Tampa. I just don't do it. It has nothing to do with my love for the game, I think it's just because I love watching baseball in my shorts and t-shirt and laying in my bed, and for some reason you can't do that at the park, but I'm working on it. Anyway, I went to the game, had a beer or two and had to go the bathroom. I have heard stories of the troughs that line the men's room in Wrigley, but hadn't ever experienced it. I've been in many a trough's in my day. They have them in Clemson, in Tiger Town, in Death Valley, all over. If you ran into a regular commode in a public forum in Clemson, it was a rarety. Anyway, the troughs at Wrigley line all possible walls. In Clemson, it's usually just one wall that's a trough. Not so in Wrigley, they're everywhere and when you walk in, you are smacked in the face with penis. Not that I'm homo-phobic, quite the contrary actually, but there was penis everywhere. You just jump in where there was an opening. So I get to the front and it happens to be at a corner and, mind you, I had to pee! I step up, and open the fly, let out mini-me and wait to pee. Now I've peed everywhere, you name it I've peed on it, or in it or all over it. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I couldn't do it. Nothing came. It was like my body was saying, "Sorry bud, no-can-do!"

I figured that was a funny, at least amusing story for those of you that know me well.

I'm at my national meeting, have been in Chicago since last Friday, and am ready to head back to the warm of Central Florida. I miss not wearing shorts at night, drinking cold beer, and quite simply, walking into a bar and the bartender knowing my name. But I did want to share that we had a special guest speaker today. His name, Bob Love, former NBA player for the Chicago Bulls. This gentleman was amazing. He had my undivided attention throughout his 45 minute speech. I'm not sure I moved a muscle. This is a man, that held all of the Chicago Bulls scoring records until that guy from North Carolina came along to uncerimoniously take all of the records from him. Anyway, for 46 years, Bob Love stuttered. The main point of his speech was that if you put your mind to something, and work hard at it, you can get to your goals. Mr. Love still shows signs of stuttering, but very, very minimal. Quite impressive. If you're ever at a company meeting and you hear that you'll be hearing from Bob Love, definitely get excited, it's a heck of a story!

Hope everyone is well. I'll be back in Tampa this weekend and then moving up the street, closer to the bars and into the same "complex" as most of our friends on the island. Should be busy, but fun. Hit me up to say hello if you get a chance.

God Bless Virginia Tech! God Bless America!

Really Funny

Jersey Born, Jersey Bred, Jersey Trash Till I'm dead!

Yeah, I'm from Jersey, have been all my life. I'm gonna give you everything about jersey, the good, the bad, and the ugly. First... New Jersey people are conceited. It's true. We hateeveryone else. And we think we are better than everyone else. And we never stop talking about how great jersey is. Then we tell people to "shut the fuck up" when they tell us all we talk about is jersey. I just recently was in the south ... and I can honestly say, that I do think I am better than them. It's not my fault. It's cause I'm from jersey. My friends and I were the rudest, most obnoxious people there. Everyone just stared at us. Then we saw other rude people, and I asked them where they were from. They said jersey.

Why are New Jersey people self centered? Because we have reason to be. Next, some of the most famous people have come from ourstate. Just to name A FEW... Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen, Kevin Smith, Whitney Houston, Martha Stewart, Lauryn Hill, Catch 22, Anne Hathaway, Queen Latifa, My Chemical Romance, Bon Jovi, Jack Nicholson, Bruce Willis, The Four Seasons, Danny Devito, Tom Cruise .. and the list Goes on.

Not only do we have famous people, we rank in the top 10 of smartest states every year.Not only are we smart & famous...we're rich. Bergen, Somerset, Morris, & Hunderton counties rank in the countries top 15 richest counties. And despite the slums of Newark (yes, Newark, not New -ark) & Camden which are some of the countries most dangerous places to live, we have 4 of the top 10 safest cities to live in the US.And we smell? Yeah, we do. New Jersey smells like ASS. On the turnpike, between exits 14 and 17. That's like, 5 percent of the entire state.. Bayonne, Port Newark, and Secaucus. And the surrounding areas. That's it. The majority of the state smells like trees. Because the majority of the state is trees. In fact, three of New Jersey's cities rank in the countries top 10 least polluted cities. So shove it.New Jersey is ideal. I live 20 minutes away from New York City and 45 minutes away from the famous jersey shore, which by the way is amazing. You think your beach is better? Fuck you. Why do you think MTV's true life had an episode titled "I'm a Jersey Shore girl." Because it's the best fucking shore in the country.

My house is 3 minutes to the nearest mall, 5 minutes to the next, and a 10 to the next. I just Counted 7 malls within a half hour of my house. Find me another state that has all that to offer.

Yeah, we have accents. Who gives a shit? Everyone has an accent. And no, we don't say "Joisey." We do say "cawfee and tawk." But I can tell you it's a hell of a better accent than you bitches from the south.

Hungry? Don't worry. We have 24 hour diners. A million of them. We also have Hoboken which has some of the finest places to eat. And you have not had real Italian food until you come here. Okay?

And WE can't drive? NO.. YOU can't drive. In the south the speed limit signs read: speed limit 60.. minimum 45. WHAT? That's why you people can't drive. Who has a minimum speed limit? New Jersey drivers like pissing other people off solely because of the reputation. This is what we will do...just so you know...if we see an out of state license plate, we'll tailgate your ass. Probably because you're only doing the speed limit & we want to go 20 over. Then, we'll cut you off... and go slow in front of you. Because we can. And because when you go home you're gonna complain about us. We like it, it doesn't bother us….it’s what we want.We like fast things. Things move too slow in other states. You can tell that someone's from New Jersey by the way they walk. They walk really fast and have a strut that says "I'm better than you."

Music scene? Amazing. Remember Hunka Bunka?...DJais, and last but definitely not least... TEMPTS!!! Enough said. We also have the best local bands... The rap scene, I don't know much about that, but I know it's there…& I know it's good. Obviously the club scene. You don't know club music until you come into New Jersey... SERIOUSLY. - - - - "We don't pump our gas ... we pump our fists."Just shut the fuck up.

If you go to Seaside boardwalk or Belmar. You'll probably see some of the trashiest, skankiest girls & some of the most guido, gelled up hair, armani exchange wearing boys that take too many steroids and have too much sex… But they are gorgeous and they know how to dance better than anyone you ever met in your life. So yeah, the stereotype that all jersey chicks are trashy, is true ... but only if you go to Seaside. That's pretty much it. The rest of the state is full of confident, beautiful people that speak their mind.The majority of Jersey people are Italian, or wish they were. We drink & smoke way too much. Oh yeah and we throw the sickest parties ... in the woods.

What else? Giants, Jets, Nets, and of course the Devils. They'rebetter than you. So shut the fuck up. And we have more Yankee fans than New York City. Come to jersey with a sox hat on ... I fuckin' dare you!And oh yeah, we say "yo." Often. And "fuck." I don't complain that you say "y'all" so don't complain that I say "yo."

To sum up New Jersey, yeah, most of the stereotypes are true,probably for about 5 percent of the state. The rest of the state is beautiful.And yeah, we hate you. We love ourselves. Wanna know why? Because all you bitches hate us. How would you feel if the other 49 states spent all their time talking shit? We deserve to be our own country cause we're that cool.

Pretty Cool

Members of the SouthernPigskin.com Staff detail and rank the top gameday atmospheres in the ACC.

1. Clemson – There is Orange – everywhere. Paw prints dot streets, flag and banners hang from light poles, buildings are dowsed in orange garb, if they aren’t orange already, and fans in orange shirts, shorts, headgear, even overalls, flood the campus. Then there’s the stadium. Memorial Stadium, better known around college football as Death Valley, juts out of the ground like a mountaintop with two towering side structures eyeing the playing field and stands as a testament to one of the best football programs and most rabid fan bases in the south. The most daunting venue in the ACC, Death Valley is an 83,000-seat paradigm of pandemonium. As if the fans needed any help, the structure of Memorial Stadium only adds to the madness. Noise has nowhere to go, making on-field volume levels beyond ridiculous. It’s like sticking your head in a tin bucket, then beating it with a hammer. To quote former Florida State quarterback Chris Rix, "Florida was loud in the Swamp. But the loudest, not only stadium, but the loudest place I have been around in my life was definitely Death Valley. I was yelling at the top of my lungs in that first series, and I couldn't even hear what I was saying." The rubbing of Howard’s Rock and the pre-game run down the hill has been labeled as, “the most exciting 25 seconds in college football,” and is one of the game’s proudest and most recognizable traditions. One aspect of Clemson gameday that separates the Tigers from other schools is the tailgaiting. These fans do it as early, as hard and as long as any fans in the game and do so in mind-boggling numbers on Friday nights and Saturday mornings. On gamedays, Clemson becomes the third largest city in South Carolina. While passionate and at times overbearing, Tiger fans are generally regarded as gracious hosts by league visitors.

This Is What I'm Talking About!

As I've said before about Greg Buckner, here is another reason he's such a role model of mine and evidence that people recognize him as such!

New York, NY--In recognition of Greg Buckner's outstanding efforts in the community and for his ongoing philanthropic work, the NBA announced today it has honored the Dallas Mavericks guard with the Community Assist Award for February.
Buckner was an All-ACC guard for the Tigers from 1994-98. He led the Tigers to three consecutive NCAA Tournament appearances from 1996-98, including a berth in the Sweet 16 in 1997. He was inducted into the Clemson Athletic Hall of Fame in 2006. A seven-year NBA veteran, Buckner has worked hard to make a difference in the Dallas/Fort Worth area by implementing a number of initiatives to benefit the local community. Buckner started his award-winning month on Feb. 2, when he spent the afternoon at the Mavs' All-Star Miracle Home making breakfast with children from local hospitals to help increase sales of raffle tickets. The home is being raffled off to raise money for the Mavs Foundation and two local children's hospitals in Dallas and Fort Worth.
On Feb. 8, the Greg Buckner Foundation launched the "Buck"ets of Books program, designed to instill a love of reading and learning in children and young adults. Buckner visited Coyote Ridge Elementary in Dallas to launch the program as well as help the students celebrate Black History Month. He read a story about the influential African-American leader, Rosa Parks, to 80 second grade students and delivered a message on the importance of education.
"I am very excited to be bringing some of my favorite programs to the Dallas area," said Buckner. "We've had much success with them in Denver and know that the Dallas youth will get a lot out of them as well. My vision is to help educate and develop our youth academically, morally, and socially."
As February drew to a close, Buckner and a barbershop in North Dallas teamed up to sponsor haircuts for 30 kids from the Buckner Children and Family Services on Feb. 25. The Greg Buckner Foundation brought out the Mavs Street Team to provide entertainment and Buckner was on-hand to check out all the kids' new hairstyles. His foundation also hosted a basketball clinic for 60 kids from the Boys & Girls Club of Richardson where the kids were taught the fundamentals of basketball including shooting, passing, dribbling, defense and rebounding.
The Greg Buckner Foundation has also launched Buckner All-Stars, a program designed to reward high school and middle school students from the Dallas Area who have excelled in the areas of academics, community service, and extra-curricular activities. Four scholarship winners will be recognized before Mavs games on March 30 and April 13, where they will meet the Mavericks guard. Buckner also created the G-Buck Student Athlete Tutoring Program to provide tutoring for local high school basketball players, who have demonstrated a need for academic assistance. Tutors and students are rewarded with a reception at the end of the school year.
As the recipient of the NBA Community Assist Award, Buckner will receive the David Robinson Plaque with the inscription, "Following the standard set by NBA Legend David Robinson who improved the community piece by piece." He received the award prior to the Dallas vs. Phoenix game on Wednesday night. In addition to the plaque, a $5,000 donation will be given to The Greg Buckner Foundation. The league presents the NBA Community Assist Award monthly to recognize players for their charitable efforts. The award honors the NBA player who reflects the passion that the league and its players have for giving back to their communities.

HILARIOUS!!!

I think this may be one of the funniest emails I've ever received. I especially like #4. Enjoy!

IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF EXAMINATION FOR MEN:

1. If you are over thirty five, and you have a wash board stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or p!ss in a Parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball,! PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, scratch his balls, or play with his broad in the passenger seat.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition; Tampa Style

Not only is this the weekend that Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is the episode from Tampa, but it's on Davis Island. The place that I've spoken of over and over again in the past. Some of my loyal readers have been here. People from all over the states have enjoyed the small-town feel in the small city of Tampa. Well Sunday night on ABC, the Tate's family gets a new house. It's already up and they're living in it currently and I should say that it's one of the nicest houses on the island. Ty and my girl did a hell of a job on it.

Some may ask, "Creegs, are we going to see that big head of yours on the screen?" The answer quite honestly is "no." I don't know what I did or where I went, but I was out of town the weekend they said, "MOVE THAT BUS!" and seemed to miss the camera's when they came into Tate's Brothers Pizza. The local pizza joint and bar on the island owned by the owner of the house.

It'll be a good episode, and a lot of the people on the show are people that I know and deal with on a daily basis. I know I can't wait to watch. Hopefully you will too and realize that I live in paradise.

Where Has Creegs Been?!?!

I got off the phone with Yarbs yesterday and he said that I must have been too busy to throw up a message or post, or whatever you call this thing. He was correct in that assumption. I've been extremely busy with work, having a new territory, that has been my main focus trying to build it and pick up where my co-worker and college friend on the other side of the state left off after getting a promotion. It's like having a new job. I've spent two years gaining and maintaining relationships with 17 counties on the west coast of Florida, but not seven counties were taken away from me, and I have seven more on the east coast. I went from being the "West Coast of FL" rep to the "Central Florida" rep. I spend a whole week one time a month in Orlando, which, for those of you not from Florida or don't live in Florida would think is cool. The land of Mickey. But when you're picking up books from portable classrooms, closets, bathrooms, etc. It's not that exciting. Is it getting me a lot of money? Somewhat. Depending on your idea of a lot of money. In my mind, it's good money. So it was worth picking up books from a bathroom stall at a high school in Orlando. Oh well.

People have also asked how I've been. What's been going on in my world? Well, I do have a lot going on, but nothing really "blogworthy." I do have a story, probably shouldn't tell on this forum, but it is typical Creegs. I have a problem with urinating in public. I've been cited twice for it, caught at least four times now by (insert town/city name)'s finest. Well I've stooped to a whole new low. I've also been known to have pooping issues. A couple of stories are infamous. I believe I may have added another to that list. When I see you all in the future I'll do the stand-up act that is this story, but here's the text.

I went fishing a few weeks ago. That's right, me, fishing. Well I'm not really the big fisherman, so I really was there to do the drinking while two of my buddies sat and watched the water. Another reason I went was because I really like water, and the island has a lot of great views and channels, etc. (and Tino Martinez live out here, love that guy!) Anyway, we had 36 beers and two 32s of Bud Light in the cooler while we...er...they were fishing. I had probably about 6-7 beers before we decided to go back, wash up and head over to a local watering hole for dinner and more drinks, meet up with more people, what have you. Anyway, we get back to Bama's house and there's a big bottle of vodka there from one of my previous visits to Bear Bryant's son's house.(he's not really Bears son, just feeling silly.) Anyway, I had three-four BayBreezes(vodka/orange juice, splash of cranberry) with Can'tMiss and then it was off to the local watering hole. To say that I remember the ride TO the bar would be a lie. We head in, sit right at the bar, order up some dinner. To say that I remember what I ate would ALSO be a lie. I remember Can'tMiss talking to a lady that was significantly older, trying to get her back to the island for more drinking and more of his advances. I think the bartenders name was Precious. Not sure that was God-given or not. Interesting. She was pregnant. I was not quiet. On to the point of the story. We get back to the island. Bama and his boy head home to go to sleep which I probably should have done, but my mind was blurred by vodka and Bud Light. We head to the outdoor bar on the island, and now I have to poop. So I head to the bathroom, and the stall is taken and I'm at a point of no return. I walk out the back door(no pun intended) and head over to Hunter's brother and sisters place, not too far from the bar. Well, nature got the best of me and that's about as far as I'll go with the story. Ask me for the rest when I see you. Not only have I pee'd in public, I've now pooped in public. Lucky for me, the police stayed away from me. Reminded me of a scene from Friday where Smokey is on the side of the house and Ezell sees him. If you haven't seen that movie, check it out. It was eerily similar.

Three weeks until St. Patty's in Savannah. A lot of people will be in the house! Smoke went ahead and got himself a promotion, and some shenanigans about 6 month training for the position will prevent he and Earp from joining us. We're not surprised though. It was to be expected. Robber may not make it either because of work. But lucky for him, he'll be in Vegas. Looking forward to seeing everybody. Hunt, FineCheese, PulledPork, Beef, Beefette, ZDP, Yarbs, Belle, Wolv, etc. Should be a blast! Hopefully I'll be more current on this thing. Who knows if that'll actually happen, but you should check back maybe once a week for a new post in the future. I'll try to have more "worthy" stories. I didn't even touch on Gasparilla, the day street party held here annually at the end of January. I was in bed by 9:30pm. Nuff said. Maybe I'll revisit that in the coming days.

Hope everyone is well. I did get a new phone number. If you don't have it, please let me know and I'll get it to you.