Fool me once,...

I know it's been quite some time in between posts. Well, I hadn't really had anything "blog-worthy" to speak of over the past six-eight months. Of course there are some stories of public indecency that I have told to some people. I'm not sure I want to go much further in those stories in this particular forum. It is always fun, however to see how different people, different GROUPS of people react to some antics of mine. What, I think, a lot of people forget is that I have a choice to tell people these stories. I choose to tell them. Not that I think that people will think that I'm glorifying these antics, but sometimes I'm just flat-out in awe of the things that I do. I was, and always will be a performer, whether on stage or in life. All performers like to share what they've done with an audience. Sometimes I like to think of myself as a story-teller as well. I think maybe that is why I tell people my "stories."



Anyway, on to the lesson at hand. I'm the biggest sucker in the world. It's confirmed tonight. I've been "robbed" twice in my life. I put the quotes around the word "robbed" because it was my own fault for falling into the mess that left me a bit lighter in the wallet. The first time I was "robbed" was when I was once driving to Savannah to visit FineCheese and Hunter and ZDiggity and maybe even CHiVe(new name for an oldie but goodie), and I stopped near Jacksonville, Florida to get some gas. It just so happened that I also had a conference call and didn't want to be driving on I-95 in rush hour and be on the phone. I was being safe people! So I pulled up into a BP station near J-ville and it was nice outside, so I had the window open and I was hanging in the car during the call. Put the phone on mute and here comes a dude that kind of looks familiar, but sort of non-descript. He asks me right off the bat how my brother is. Well, my brother had just had some minor surgery or something minor had just happened to him, so I looked at the guy, paused, and thought for a second if Aurillius knew anyone in Jacksonville. I didn't want to offend my "brother's friend" so I answered that he was doing just fine and thanks a lot for asking. So I'm trying to listen to my boss on the conference call, and this guy who is now in my window talking about my brother, whom I think he knows. Well after some silly banter, I finally realize that this gentleman had no idea who my brother was and really just wanted some money. Well, sometimes when I travel, I put my wallet in my center console for all the world to see. This is actually because it kind of hurts my butt when I drive if it's in the wallet the whole time. Probably too much information for some, but it's the truth. It hurts!!! So homeless beggar dude sees my wallet and I pick it up and make the mistake of opening it up and the only bill I have is a $10. Being that I realize that I'm not really in the best of neighborhoods, and having no real bearing on where I was, I thought it'd be a good idea to give the dude my $10 and drive 10 miles up the road to get gas after my conference call. Dude said he needed the cash for a bus fare, but ended up going right into the neighboring liquor store as I sped off in the Cherokee. So there was the first time. The second time happened tonight...

I was home alone working on finishing my paperwork for the day/week, etc, when I heard a knock on the door, but not just any knock. It sounded like a friendly knock. I should've looked through the peep hole but I didn't. Anyway. I open the door and a scene from Office Space starts. A girl at the door with questionable background talking about how she's trying to make money to win $1000. The company that she "works for" has a whole crew of people selling magazine subscriptions and the winner of the most "points" gets $1000 bucks. Really well-spoken, well-mannered girl talking all this good stuff. She was very engaging and actually really nice. After the 12th mosquito bite (yes, northerners, it is still warm enough for mosquitoes down here. Don't hate the player, hate the game), I decided it would be harmless to invite her in. I had her little catalog in my hand and could not for the life of me to figure out this scam. I knew it was staring me right in the face, but could not get a grip on it. Then she pulls out the chance that if I didn't want the subscription myself, there was a list of really needed groups of children that {you} could donate your subscription to. I'm a softie when it comes to that, so I jumped all over it. So she's all excited about the fact that I'm about to give here "900 points" towards her 20,000 goal, and then she hits me with "that'll be $243 dollars." She's got me. I'm stuck. I do manage to say that I can't afford $243 dollars on magazine subscriptions that I'm not even getting for myself nor can write off as a donation apparently. So she takes one of the three magazines off the list and gets the price down to $93. I nearly choked on my first bud light of the evening when I realized that she was going to charge me $150 for an ESPN the Magazine subscription and 107 issues. I get ESPN the Mag, straight from ESPN the Mag and get 26 copies for NINE FUCKING DOLLARS!!! NINE FUCKING DOLLARS!!! But this special individual wanted to charge my $150 dollars. So I "smartened up" a little bit, but was still "robbed" out of $93 bucks! What an idiot!

I hate mean people. I loathe people that don't say thank you when I let you cut me off on I-4, or don't say thank you for me holding the door open for you and sitting there for five minutes waiting for your fat ass to get through it, but there is something to be said for assholes in this world. As I sat on the couch after the "thief" left the house, I was thinking about putting a stop on the check, or sending the voucher back to the corporate headquarters and cancel the subscriptions, but...once again, I don't want to let down the kids in Woodbridge, NJ that are going to get "Family Fun" and "Nickelodeon the Magazine." So once again, I lose.

I guess Leo Durocher was really right when he said, "Nice guys finish last."

Happy New Years to All! Hope everyone is well. God Bless!